Archive for the ‘religion’ Category

Contrary to popular belief and despite their claims, atheists’ lack of belief in God is not a result of rational and logical clear-thinking. The sad fact is that they suffer from a number of diseases, which, working in concert, contribute towards making them unable to accept the simple fact of God’s existence. As loving, caring, and extremely moral people, it is important that we try to understand these causes, so that we can treat them as diseased human beings first, and immoral heathens second.

The most serious of the diseases that afflict atheists and also one that seems to make them vulnerable to most of the other diseases is called Consistentitis. A religious brain is a marvelous feat of engineering that only God can achieve. It can do what a brain affected by Consistentitis cannot. It can hold two or more contradicting facts without causing any unwanted reactions like throwing out some of the facts until the brain is internally consistent. This disease is caused by a virus called Honestus Toselfus. This virus is responsible for eating away the cells in the brain that grow to form walls that compartmentalize the brain and allow us to hold a huge variety of different ideas.

Then, there is Incredulitis. This disease prevents atheists from easily accepting miracles. A normal religious brain is quite open, absorbing as many things as it can, and without any interference from the brain, and sending them all unquestioningly directly to the facts store. However, with Incredulitis, the brain starts filtering facts. Just like a water-filter straining out the bigger particles, Incredulitis causes the bigger facts like the elephant God, and the virgin birth, which we call miracles,  to be filtered out. This lack of facts causes their Evidentitis to flare up, leading them to start demanding the very facts that their brain rejects. Evidentitis is a condition that makes atheists distrustful, skeptical, and cynical human beings. They start demanding evidence for every little thing. It makes them so distrustful of their fellow human beings that they do not even accept the facts written down by God himself in our holy book. This leads to a vicious circle, where the constant rejection of facts again causes their Incredulitis to worsen. In the end, this vicious cycle ends with the atheist brain throwing out all belief in God, and labeling God and religions as nonsense.

The virus causing Incredulitis and Evidentitis is called CommonusSensus,which when combined with exposure to an even more deadly virus called Sciencus, seems to make everything a whole lot worse.

However, all is not lost. We can prevent this disease among our children by thoroughly moulding their brain in a way that it does not get infected by these viruses. Common symptoms and suggested treatments follow. If you notice any of these in your child, act immediately.

  • Child displays an OCD with reality – The most common symptoms of this are trying to relate the world of miracles with the natural world and expecting to see them happen in the  natural world as well. For example, when a child is unable to see miracles happening in the real world and is unable to see any signs of God, he becomes vulnerable to Incredulitis. The suggested treatment is to point out the miracles that have indeed happened in his life. Like the time he topped his school or the time he found $20 on the road. In case he still displays doubts, keep telling him over and over again about other miracles happening all over the world, like Bush being elected President twice.
  • Child asks a lot of questions – This is a very noticeable development early on in a child’s life. This excessive curiosity must not be allowed to develop into anything serious. Symptoms include silly questions like – Why doesn’t God punish the bad people? Why did God let that aeroplane crash? If there is only one God, why are there so many religions? These are very simple questions, but as we know, the answers to these are quite complex and philosophically complicated which a child’s undeveloped mind cannot as yet grasp. So, the best way to deal with questions that you feel your child may not understand is to use answers like “Because I said so” and “When you grow up, you will understand”, and “Go and read the holy book and you will understand”. If you are successful, the child will stop asking questions and start accepting everything you say as the truth, which is great because it means the child’s brain will not be strained by too much thinking.
  • Child displays lack of self-confidence – We know that our God is the correct one. However, when a young child sees the existence of other “religions” and “gods”, she may wonder why her religion is the true one. This erosion of confidence in our faith must be stopped before it develops into a serious case of asking too many questions. The suggested treatment is to point out all the logical flaws and contradictions in other unsophisticated religions that cannot obviously be interpreted in any way that makes any sense whatsoever.

If you follow the above advise, you should end up raising a child that has the ability to hold complex thoughts that appear contradictory to the simple mind, a child that is so full of confidence in her own faith that she will loudly proclaim the truth of our faith to everyone and tell members of all other “faiths” how wrong they are, and finally, a child whose mind does not ask questions, but provides simple answers to those who ask hard questions.

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It is almost universally accepted in the new atheist movement that religious fundamentalists are synonymous with irrationality, and that the moderately religious are relatively more grounded in reality, and more rational. This perception is mainly based on the level of acceptance of scientific theories by these two groups. In general, you are likely to find more rejection of scientific theories amongst the fundamentalists than among the moderately religious. For instance, fundamentalists will not accept that evolution is true, or that the earth is more than 10,000 years old.

An interesting question is – how much more irrational is the fundamentalist position as compared to the moderate one? There is no denying that the moderate position is much more desirable than the fundamentalist one. But is that true because the moderate position is more rational? It certainly is more in touch with reality. But is this closeness to reality a product of sound reasoning? Of rationality?

An important factor in a scientific theory is the number of assumptions required to support it. An assumption is something taken for granted, or something that has not been proven yet. Obviously, the fewer the assumptions in a theory, the more it is grounded in evidence, and lesser the chances of the theory being falsified in the future.

Another important foundation of reason and science is consistency. A scientific theory may be supported by a hundred different observations or facts, and may make numerous correct predictions, and yet, if one new fact comes to light that contradicts this theory, or if a single observation goes against its predictions, the theory is in trouble. This is the beauty of the scientific method – consistency. And this consistency is why we can safely say that the scientific method is the closest we can get to truths in any meaningful way.

And finally, we have the outcomes or predictions of a theory. Given a set of inputs, a good scientific theory should predict precise outcomes. A theory which says the answer is precisely A is more useful than one that says the answer is either A or B, which in turn is still far more useful than one that says the answer lies between A and Z.

Since the moderates are far more rational than the fundamentalists, we can expect them to outscore them in the above criteria. Let’s examine these in turn.


The assumption that there is a god is one common to both groups. But what is the basis for this assumption? In the case of the fundamentalist, there is one basic assumption, from which everything follows. And that is, that his holy book, whether it is the Bible or the Koran, or something else, is a book of facts, or the word of god. Without going into too many details of what these books contain, how rational is it to believe this? To believe this, you must accept that none of the people who contributed to this book were lying. Without examining the details of the book, there is really no way to determine this. But we can say that there is a possibility that the book might  be true. That the collective words of numerous authors over the centuries confer some credibility on its truth value. We can say there is some basis for making this assumption. Now consider the moderate stance. The moderate does not believe the holy books to be true literally. Or, in the moderate’s stance, the holy book is unreliable. So what is the basis for the god assumption? In most cases, it is nothing more than a feeling, or something like “I believe because I want to believe”. A famous example (or infamous if you’re a rational person) of such a feeling is that expressed by Francis Collins, the current head of the NIH in the US. Collins saw a frozen waterfall which somehow convinced him not only that god exists, but that the god is a Christian god. As a scientist Collins probably realized he would have to justify his belief in a Christian god as opposed to one of the numerous other ones competing for his gullibility. So he pointed out that the frozen waterfall had 3 streams, which corresponds to the concept of trinity in Christianity. You would expect a bit more solid reasoning from a scientist, but let’s assume for a moment that beauty in nature somehow symbolizes, and also is, evidence of god. Then, as a skeptic, we could ask why the 3 streams represent the trinity of Christianity, and not the Trimurti of Hinduism?

So while we can pin down the number of assumptions of the fundamentalist to 1, which is simply that the historic holy book is a true eye witness account of people over the centuries, what can we say about the assumptions of the moderates? One of them assumes that a frozen waterfall comprising of 3 streams shows that there is a Christian god. Some other moderates assume that our morality is a sign of god. And still some others assume that god is talking to them through intermediaries like the pope and other religious leaders. And let us not forget those who simple assert the existence of god because they can feel the love of god. If you visited an alien planet, half of whose inhabitants claimed that they were created by powerful beings as an experiment in galactic civilizations because of an old historic document passed down the generations, while the other half claimed to be created by the same powerful beings for tens of different reasons, who would you be more inclined to believe?


For me, the truly great thing about the scientific method is consistency. The consistency of the theory of gravity means I have no doubt falling off the cliff of the Himalayas will result in the same end as falling off the 20th floor of a building. Not very pleasant results, but unquestionably, consistent ones. Consistency means that an airplane that flies me from Bombay to New York will also be able to fly me back from New York to Bombay. Consistency rocks.

Since fundamentalists tend to follow their holy books literally, they are as consistent as their books allow them to be. There are of course, some creative interpretations of what the book really means when it comes to passages that advise stoning of people and other such stone age practices. But by and large, the fundamentalist stays true to the book. Adultery is immoral, as is homosexuality, and anyone who doesn’t follow their version of the holy book, is condemned to hell in the mind of the fundamentalist. A Christian fundamentalist will not say agree that the earth is more than a few thousand years old because it would contradict the bible. He will also not accept evolution because the bible says that god created all the species within a week. The fundamentalist is consistent, even if dead wrong.

On the other hand, the moderate has no trouble accepting line 34 on page 76 of his holy book with the same ease that she rejects line 68 on page 234. On what basis does she determine which parts are correct and which are not? At worst we may put it down to her whims, and at best, we can say that she follows the science where the evidence is overwhelming, and follows her book elsewhere wherever it is convenient for her. If the science shows that the earth is around 4 billion years old, the moderate is happy to assume that one day used by god actually stands for hundreds of millions of years. But in some other chapter, the day is again interpreted as 24 hours because otherwise it just wouldn’t make any sense that Moses stayed in the mountains for millions of years. So consistency and the moderate go together like water and fire, one of them invariably disappearing in a noisy confusion of smoke when they come in contact.


Given that the only thing the fundamentalist believes in as a source of truth is his holy book, we can have an honest debate with him, We can point out the errors and inaccuracies in the holy books. We can falsify the claims of the fundamentalist. If the holy books says the earth is a few thousand years old and science says it is a few billion years old, we have a precise point of disagreement. As rationalists, we choose science and the fundamentalist chooses the book, again both being consistent in their positions. Where does the moderate fit in? Somewhere in between. While reason and logic tell us that a virgin cannot give birth and that wine cannot be turned into water, and that even the most circus trained snake has only been trained to say “his”, the moderate does not think these beliefs are unrealistic. But before you dismiss the moderate as being irrational, out he comes with his strong belief in science and evolution! But there is a catch here too. The moderate says that the process of evolution was started by god. We can accept this as a somewhat plausible explanation on the behalf of someone handicapped by a belief in god. But wait, that is not all. Not only does the moderate somehow know that god started evolution, he also knows that once god started it, he never interfered in it. Creationists are ridiculed for believing something written in a book. On the other hand, moderates who make incredible, unverifiable claims like the one above are given a free pass, and even respected, simply because the effects of such claims means that science can be kept free of religion. How on earth can one claim to know that there is a god, that that god is all powerful, all knowing, and by the way, doesn’t ever influence the process of evolution, lest religion be introduced in a science class? This moderate position is really far more arrogant and irrational than anything the fundamentalist can dream of. Not only does the moderate know that there is a god, he knows through his own mind what exactly god does and does not do. He knows the mind of god. Maybe he thinks he is god.

Levels and Effects of Irrationality

There is no denying that for rational people, the religious moderates who accept the above scientific theories are far more desirable to have around than the fundamentalists. Because in this day and age of  nuclear bombs, we want as few people as possible believing that the end times are near and that it is their holy duty to bring them upon us. We would also prefer not having around people who think adultery should be punishable by death and that homosexuality is immoral. And surely, none of us want to have more of those who want to replace the entire chapter on evolution with 3 words – God did it. There is pretty much a consensus on this.

In the rational community, there is little or no respect for the fundamentalist position, and it is frequently mocked, looked down upon, and dismissed as irrational. Using reason, evidence, and logic, we can disprove the claim that the earth is a few thousand years old. We cannot disprove the claim that god started evolution and then never interfered in it. While the fundamentalist is dead wrong about a lot of things, at least he comes from an intellectually honest position, a more or less consistent position, and certainly a testable position. On the other hand, the moderate is only wrong about the things science cannot absolutely disprove. The moderate dances with both the fundamentalist and the rationalists as and when it benefits him. It is not an intellectually honest position, but one of convenience.

How can we measure irrationality? If we simply consider being wrong as being irrational then it is easy to say that the fundamentalists are the more irrational ones. But I like to look at it a bit differently. We know that belief in god is irrational. Especially an all powerful, all knowing one. But both the fundamentalist and the moderate believe in this god. At this point we can say that the level of irrationality of both is pretty much the same. This is the basis of all further irrational positions held by both. The belief in god. However, if you do accept god, then is it irrational to accept that god created all the species? If god is all powerful, why couldn’t god have created the millions of different species? If you accept that an all powerful and knowing god created the earth, then is it not possible that his tweaking of various parameters led to the changes in the laws of physics leading to incorrect assumptions in the scientific methods used for determining the age of the earth?

A world without god is a very restricted one. Once you put god in this world, anything is possible. In a world with god it is only as irrational to believe that god definitely does not interfere in evolution as it is to believe that god changed the laws of physics a few thousand years ago. A world with god is a world of infinite possibilities. It is the fundamentalist who actually makes this world a saner one by restricting it to the parameters established by his holy book.

And so while we may agree that the effect of the irrationalities of the moderates are far more desirable than the effect of the irrationalities of the fundamentalist, there is a strong case to be made for the argument that the level of rationality of a moderate is not much higher than the level of rationality of the fundamentalist, if at all.

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I just wanted to write down a thought about morality that I had recently, since a lot of people liked it.

Picking morals from religion is like picking out food from the trash. Sure, you’ll find something edible, and maybe even tasty, but it’ll be tainted with the horrid smell of the rest of the junk. Why not just get your food fresh from nature where it came from in the first place.

Also, see this nice image by a fellow poster on RichardDawkins.net.

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Driving can be enough of a pain in traffic without having to read stupid slogans on bumper stickers. If you’re going to have a bumper sticker, it better be interesting like this one. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of dumb ones floating around, and so I thought a good way to counter them would be via counter bumper stickers. By the way, this is not my original idea. I saw this kind of an article in a very old Mad magazine.

So here we go. I’ve used the Hummer and the MINI as befits their typical owner for the slogans and counter-slogans. And as for entry number 4 below, if I ever get married, I wouldn’t find it funny either.




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This post is not for my fellow atheists, but for moderate religious people. People who don’t take it too seriously. People who are intelligent enough to not send money to the tele-preachers. Just something to think about.

  1. Isn’t it true that you are a Hindu, Muslim, or Christian only because you were born in a family that practices that faith?
  2. Why does god not protect innocent people like the ones who die in accidents and terrorist attacks?
  3. Why did miracles happen only in the past?
  4. Why does god support your cricket/football team and not the other ones?
  5. Why does god bless your country and support it in a war, and not the other side? If the other side is wrong, why does god not tell them so?
  6. If god is so powerful and cares if people make fun of him, why doesn’t he punish these people now? If he doesn’t want to punish them now, then why do you feel the need to do so?
  7. Why can you put down atheists without a shred of evidence for your beliefs and then get all offended when someone makes fun of your beliefs?
  8. Why do your ‘feelings’ about how life evolved carry more weight than the evidence put forth by the world’s top scientists who have devoted their lives to answering this question?
  9. Even if you think god exists, how do you know what he is thinking?
  10. Why does god talk to priests and preachers, and not you?

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Today, I was following this discussion on RichardDawkins.net. The question was “Could fairy tales have a pernicious effect on the reasoning abilities of small children”? The general consensus was that this would certainly be something worth researching and that we don’t know yet. However, until the results of the research are in, I thought, why not try to sneak in some science and reason into fairy-tales?

The sneaky bits are in bold italics like this.

Snow-White and the Seven Dwarves

Once upon a time, as the queen sat sewing at her window, she pricked her finger on her needle and a drop of blood fell on the snow that had fallen on her ebony window frame. As she looked at the blood on the snow, she said to herself, “Oh, how I wish that I had a daughter that had skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as ebony”. Now the queen knew that simply wishing for something would not make it happen. Then she realized that the king was white-skinned. And she was also white-skinned. From Biology, she knew that the color of her skin was because of her genes and the color of the king’s skin was due to the color of the king’s skin. If those genes were to be mixed together, the resulting gene would also cause white-skin. So she and the king went to the bedroom and mixed those genes*. Soon after that, the queen gave birth to a baby girl who had skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as ebony.

Snow-White was pretty hot.

Snow-White had pretty hot genes.

They named her Princess Snow White.

* Yeah, you’re on your own here!

Hansel and Gretel

While the witch prepares to cook Hansel, she orders Gretel to fetch her candies and fats to force feed Hansel. In the cage, Hansel finds a thin bone from his meals. When the witch tells Hansel to stick out his finger (so she can tell if he is fat enough to eat), he deceives her by sticking out the bone instead.

The Wicked Witch

The Wicked Witch

The witch has poor eyesight and even her glasses do not help because she is very old, and thus cannot see that Hansel’s “finger” is actually a bone. Days pass by, but the witch cannot perceive how fat Hansel is getting. The mistake the witch was making was that she stuck to a single method of analysis. If she had instead decided to try something else in addition, like say, weighing him, she would have found out that he had become fatter. Luckily for Hansel and Gretel, the witch had recently turned to religion, so her powers of reasoning had been dulled.


The Prince pocketed the slipper and vowed to find and marry the girl to whom it belonged. The Prince tried the slipper on all the young women in the land. When the Prince arrived at Cinderella’s villa, the stepsisters tried in vain. When Cinderella asked if she might try, the Stepsisters taunted her. Naturally, the slipper fit perfectly. This made the prince ecstatic and he believed that he had found his mate. However, the prince’s scientific adviser pointed out that in the entire kingdom, there would be more than one lady whose feet would fit the slipper.

The Scientific Adviser

The Scientific Adviser

Cinderella agreed and was happy that the Prince had such an intelligent adviser. So she brought forth the second slipper as evidence. Now there was enough reason to believe Cinderella was indeed the one and the Prince and Cinderella lived happily till old age.


The Turquoise Fairy scientist asked Pinocchio where the gold coins were. Pinocchio lied, saying he had lost them. As he told this lie (and more) his nose began to grow until it was so long he could not turn around in the room.



The scientist had used a lie-detector. A lie-detector is a machine that monitors your heart beats and based on that detects when you tell a lie. The scientist had put a lie-detector inside Pinocchio in such a way that every lie would trigger an electronic circuit that would enlarge his nose. The scientist explained to Pinocchio that it was his lies that were making his nose grow long.

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Atheists and religious people share the same roads. These roads happen to exist in the real world where the laws of physics hold firm. However, these same roads are viewed through different perspectives by the religious and the atheists. How could they not? Their entire world-views are different. As an atheist, I will not be going to heaven and so, in the interest of prolonging my stay on earth for as long as possible, I’d like to offer some tips to fellow faith based drivers in the USA.

  • I know the lord works in mysterious ways. However, that doesn’t mean you have to also. Especially, not on the road. When you intend to turn, give a turn signal.
  • Yes, I know you are going 80 mph in the passing lane on a 55 mph speed limit road and I also know your prophet George Bush says “Stay the course”, but he’s not really talking about driving on the roads. Just like we atheists go one god further than you do, we might also want to go just 1 mph more than you. So move over to the right.
  • I know I am not supposed to pass you on the right, but because of “Stay the course” people, I sometimes have to. I know you feel all goosie-woosie about faith, but please don’t have any in me and turn on your signal and check before making a faith based swing over to the right.
  • You are supposed to follow the Lord closely in your heart, not me at 80 mph in the right lane.
  • The bible says “A man’s wisdom gives him patience “. This means: wait at least a few seconds after the light turns green before blasting your horn.
  • Just as it’s impossible for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle, so also is it for me to squeeze my car through the tiny gaps between other cars. If I am in front of you and you see 10 cars in front of me not moving, then no amount of honking is going to make me try it.
  • Do not attempt to read the Bible, Koran, or the Gita while driving. God may be watching over you, but he doesn’t really know how to drive because he’s only ridden asses.
  • Here’s a non-divine revelation: no-one cares that your kid is an honor student at St. Paul High or that Jesus is watching over all of us. Bumper stickers should be funny or creative like this one, not sleep inducing.
  • I know you have to drive huge SUVs because your God commands you to subdue the earth. But if you really have to drive these slow ass houses on wheels, at least stay in the slow lane.
  • God does not want you to get into an accident, so He will not reveal himself to you by forming an image of the virgin Mary in the clouds. So stop looking up at the sky while driving and keep your eyes on the road.

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Well, this is exactly what it says. I doubt most atheists will need these, but maybe a few religious people looking for grammar tips will be brainwashed into atheism through this. Yes, I do suffer from a mild form of OCD when it comes to language.

Oh…and there’s also some rational logic hidden in here.


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  1. When you go to the bathroom, you don’t have to worry about whether He is looking
  2. You don’t have to worry every time you flush the toilet because your poop might be resembling the virgin Mary.
  3. You still have the same rate of success as before in everything you do, but you don’t have to pray.
  4. When you’re having sex, and you yell out “Oh God”, you don’t have to worry that he might pop in for a visit.
  5. George Bush is not an atheist.
  6. Neither is Ahmed MakhmoudinaSomethingBad.
  7. The earth now revolves around the sun, so you don’t have to worry about it wandering off one day.
  8. You can actually communicate with your God over the Internet by posting on RichardDawkins.net and he might even actually respond.
  9. If you’re a heterosexual male, no more gay dreams about Jesus or Mohammad. If you’re a heterosexual female or a gay man, get rid of your guilt by replacing them with real imaginary characters like Batman and Superman.
  10. If you’re Christian, you don’t have to listen to Christian rock. If you’re Hindu, no more Bhajans, and if you’re Muslim, you can now listen to music. (Hint: Don’t start with Christian rock).

Feel free to add your reasons in the comments.

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So many religions, so many Gods! Which one to choose? Let’s face it. There’s no way to know for sure. So why not just pick the one that you like the best. Here’s a comparative guide to religions you may want to consider on your holy path to heaven.


  • Hinduism: Boasting millions of points of communication in the form of statues all over India, and thousands of gods manning call centers for supporting the rest of the world, this may seem to be a very accessible religion. However it can get very frustrating when you realize they have a different God for every freaking thing! For instance, the God for helping you with your homework is Saraswati, the Goddess of knowledge, the God that helps you win the lottery is Laxmi, the Goddess of wealth, and the God that helps you move your furniture is Ganesha, the elephant God. Now if only they had a God to look up the correct God for the service required! Also there have been complaints from European and American countries that these Gods are hard to understand while talking. In response, the Gods have tried to be more helpful by answering the phone using names such as Jesus, Paul, and Mary.
  • Christianity: A fairly elitist God, he is not very accessible and even though was born in the middle east, immigrated to the USA, got a Green card, and became a citizen. Though a popular misconception is that he talks to the people through a man in a funny hat called the Pope, he actually talks only with a few rich people and intellectuals in America, the most notable amongst them being George W Bush. Also, known to not work on Sundays.
  • Islam: A fairly strict God, requires you to pray five times a day. Also a bit hard of hearing, which means you need to yell out your prayers fairly loudly. Advances in modern technology, however, have enabled followers to use loudspeakers to transmit the holy sound waves up to heaven. Be prepared to face intolerant people from other religions who you wake up at 5 AM in the morning with your prayers.
  • Buddhism: Since the Wikipedia page for Buddhism has no word “prayer” on the entire page, it may be safe to assume prayer is not a way of reaching God in Buddhism. While no-one is sure on how to reach this God, Buddhist monks have been trying to communicate with Him by scribbling messages on giant kites and flying them from the top of mountains.

Ease of getting to Heaven

  • Hinduism: With millions of Gods available, your chances of pissing off all of them are pretty negligible. Assuredly, a guaranteed, albeit confusing path to heaven.
  • Christianity: Lorded over by a guy just like that desperate date you had, this is probably the easiest path to heaven. Goes for quantity, not quality; Do whatever you want in your life, just don’t break up with him. Entrance may seem fairly impossible for rich people what with him saying it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get in, but just hint at leaving for another God, and you should be in.
  • Islam: Also insecure like the Christian God, this chap will also let you in as long as you don’t look at the others. This leads some to believe it may be the same guy as in Christianity.
  • Buddhism: Fairly confusing since there are lots of heavens and stuff like existential planes, but rumors say all it takes is smoking weed while listening to some rock band called Nirvana


  • Hinduism: The Gods seem fairly liberal what with one of their famous Gods, Krishna having quite a few hot girlfriends. Also, it is probably the only religion that comes with a “Sex for Dummies” guide called the Kamasutra. However, for some reason, followers of this religion tend to ignore all this fun and tend towards prudishness. A well known Hindu proverb states it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than to get laid in Hinduism.
  • Christianity: This God is very concerned about your sexual pleasure. To ensure you experience the fullest carnal pleasures available in this religion, condoms are forbidden. This does mean you can only have sex 2 or 3 times in your life, and can barely finish the first chapter of the aforementioned Kamasutra, but He assures you it will be better than having sex a 1000 times in any other religion. Since most followers don’t buy this, they make use of the loophole mentioned in “Ease of getting to heaven” to simply ignore this. The rest end up having around 10 kids and too busy to worry about sex.
  • Islam: The sexiest religion of them all, you get to bang 72 hot virgins! That too, in heaven! A subtle hint at the age of the virgins is provided by the fact that 72 is in fact divisible by 18. There is one slight catch though. In order to ensure you experience the greatest sexual pleasure imaginable, you are not allowed to fool around with women while on earth. Followers are known to work around this with the help of sheep, camels, and asses that do not belong to women.
  • Buddhism: Pretty cool about it, allows you to mess around even before marriage as long as you love the other person, which in turn may be a problem for guys with commitment issues.

That’s all for this part now. Look for the upcoming part II which will have more holy information for your path to salvation, including information about those nasty atheists and their evil master Satan and his prophet Richard Dawkins.

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