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Atheists and religious people share the same roads. These roads happen to exist in the real world where the laws of physics hold firm. However, these same roads are viewed through different perspectives by the religious and the atheists. How could they not? Their entire world-views are different. As an atheist, I will not be going to heaven and so, in the interest of prolonging my stay on earth for as long as possible, I’d like to offer some tips to fellow faith based drivers in the USA.

  • I know the lord works in mysterious ways. However, that doesn’t mean you have to also. Especially, not on the road. When you intend to turn, give a turn signal.
  • Yes, I know you are going 80 mph in the passing lane on a 55 mph speed limit road and I also know your prophet George Bush says “Stay the course”, but he’s not really talking about driving on the roads. Just like we atheists go one god further than you do, we might also want to go just 1 mph more than you. So move over to the right.
  • I know I am not supposed to pass you on the right, but because of “Stay the course” people, I sometimes have to. I know you feel all goosie-woosie about faith, but please don’t have any in me and turn on your signal and check before making a faith based swing over to the right.
  • You are supposed to follow the Lord closely in your heart, not me at 80 mph in the right lane.
  • The bible says “A man’s wisdom gives him patience “. This means: wait at least a few seconds after the light turns green before blasting your horn.
  • Just as it’s impossible for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle, so also is it for me to squeeze my car through the tiny gaps between other cars. If I am in front of you and you see 10 cars in front of me not moving, then no amount of honking is going to make me try it.
  • Do not attempt to read the Bible, Koran, or the Gita while driving. God may be watching over you, but he doesn’t really know how to drive because he’s only ridden asses.
  • Here’s a non-divine revelation: no-one cares that your kid is an honor student at St. Paul High or that Jesus is watching over all of us. Bumper stickers should be funny or creative like this one, not sleep inducing.
  • I know you have to drive huge SUVs because your God commands you to subdue the earth. But if you really have to drive these slow ass houses on wheels, at least stay in the slow lane.
  • God does not want you to get into an accident, so He will not reveal himself to you by forming an image of the virgin Mary in the clouds. So stop looking up at the sky while driving and keep your eyes on the road.
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Well, this is exactly what it says. I doubt most atheists will need these, but maybe a few religious people looking for grammar tips will be brainwashed into atheism through this. Yes, I do suffer from a mild form of OCD when it comes to language.

Oh…and there’s also some rational logic hidden in here.

(more…)

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  1. When you go to the bathroom, you don’t have to worry about whether He is looking
  2. You don’t have to worry every time you flush the toilet because your poop might be resembling the virgin Mary.
  3. You still have the same rate of success as before in everything you do, but you don’t have to pray.
  4. When you’re having sex, and you yell out “Oh God”, you don’t have to worry that he might pop in for a visit.
  5. George Bush is not an atheist.
  6. Neither is Ahmed MakhmoudinaSomethingBad.
  7. The earth now revolves around the sun, so you don’t have to worry about it wandering off one day.
  8. You can actually communicate with your God over the Internet by posting on RichardDawkins.net and he might even actually respond.
  9. If you’re a heterosexual male, no more gay dreams about Jesus or Mohammad. If you’re a heterosexual female or a gay man, get rid of your guilt by replacing them with real imaginary characters like Batman and Superman.
  10. If you’re Christian, you don’t have to listen to Christian rock. If you’re Hindu, no more Bhajans, and if you’re Muslim, you can now listen to music. (Hint: Don’t start with Christian rock).

Feel free to add your reasons in the comments.

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